By Benjamin Spalink
Jesus’ words in Luke 14 are startling:
“Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: ‘If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple’” (vs. 25-27).
I was reading these verses during my personal quiet time this week, and my conscience was bothered. I love my family very much. I wondered: do I love them more than Jesus? Do I love my life too much, and am I therefore disqualified from being Jesus’ disciple? A literalistic reading taken out of context might yield the following: if you want to be a true follower of Jesus, you must feel hatred for your family and even yourself. Church must always come first. Your life should be hard and difficult because of how hard you’re following Jesus. Is that what Jesus is saying? Actually, these verses are a lesson in why it’s so important to interpret things in context and to approach specific texts in light of the whole of scripture.
Let’s start with the general message of scripture. One rule of thumb in Biblical interpretation is to begin with texts that are clear and use them to interpret what is less clear. The Bible clearly states elsewhere that God is love, and that we are to love God and to love our neighbor. This is repeated clearly and often. Implicit in loving our neighbor is “loving yourself” (Luke 10:27). In other passages, Jesus criticizes the Pharisees who put offerings to God ahead of caring for their own elderly parents (Mark 7:11-12). So whatever Jesus might mean by hating one’s own family, we can rest assured that Jesus does not mean that we are to ignore our families’ needs and neither are we to loath ourselves. If God loves us so much (John 3:16), why would he want us to hate ourselves?
Secondly, let’s look at the context. Large crowds were following Jesus (vs. 25), and he is headed towards his death in Jerusalem. The crowds were unprepared for the tough times that lay ahead. Jesus called the crowds to judge themselves - will they be faithful and stand the test of suffering?. Some might claim to be followers because they were literally part of the crowd, but Jesus wanted them to realize that hearing is different from doing. Also important in this context: identification with one’s immediate family and ancestral line was all-important. Jesus was calling upon his followers to “reconstruct their identity” (a phrase borrowed from Joel Green’s commentary on Luke) around him, to redefine “family” around discipleship (see Mark 3:35) and to make allegiance to Christ the utmost commitment in their lives. For me, that would mean “Spalink” is less important than “Christian,” and “family” is not my immediate kin, but my spiritual family, the church. If my dad and my Savior pull me in two separate directions, discipleship means I opt for the later. I absolutely love my own family, and I am also called to love the family of God as my own family.
So hating my family does not in fact mean feeling hateful towards them, but is about allegiance and identity. What about hating myself? To me, the best word here that captures what Jesus is talking about is surrender. Again, Jesus is not talking primarily about feeling hateful towards oneself, for we are elsewhere called to love and value all selves as image bearers. But hating oneself means surrendering agenda, ego and our own worldly values in exchange for his kingdom and its values. In another place, Jesus tells us to “seek first his kingdom and his righteousness” (Matthew 6:33). We can try to preserve our lives, prioritize our own happiness and security, and live for ourselves, but this isn’t what Jesus modeled, nor is it what we’re called to do. We’re called to lay down our lives, to be willing to die for Jesus, and to embrace whatever suffering he may call us to for the sake of his kingdom. If we really love ourselves, we’ll make it our priority to obey Jesus, for nothing is more beneficial in the long run than to be aligned with Jesus. When he returns or we go to meet our maker, we will be welcomed into an eternal home.
In the end, the passage we looked at is challenging, but not for the reasons we originally thought. Hate, it turns out, doesn’t mean I have to tone down my love for my family or myself one iota. But it does mean conversion to a new identity as a part of Jesus’ circle and a new allegiance to God and his kingdom which comes before everything else in our lives, family included. The new family identity, being a child of God, is all important. Our loves and are lives are to be aligned with Jesus. Only in this way can we expect to follow him from death to resurrection.
Hi Ben, thank you for this very helpful explanation. My Egyptology studies also highlighted the Eastern view of ancestral worship and indebtedness, with offerings bring made to them to please, and appease! There was little concept of improving ones lot either! Generally you were trapped in the occupation of your family. The idea of doing or believing something "different" would be very foreign to an ancient Egyptian. A modern example would be West Side story. Originally set on the New York's East Side, and conceived as a societal war between Jews and Gentile, it depicted the friction between two rival gangs of immigrants. It's bittersweet that Maria and Tony found love in the hatred, only for it to be dashed to pieces. Many Christians in other parts of the world are literally still disowned by their families if they follow Jesus. That is the cost. Thanks Carolyn.