The Parenting ‘Back to School’ Assessment
By Pastor Aaron Syvertsen
Back to school season is upon us. The summer break has come and gone with its trips and activities that are now deposited into the memory bank as we gear up for another school year with all its routines, some new and most familiar.
At school, this is the time for assessments. Teachers are assessing their new batch of students as they prepare for another year of instruction, coaches are assessing their athletes for fall sports teams, clubs are assessing new members to assimilate, and our kids themselves are in a constant state of assessing their new surroundings, courses and friendships alike.
Parents and guardians, it’s time to do the same.
You’ve already made many plans to make this back-to-school season as smooth as possible, but how do you plan to intentionally disciple the children in your life heading into a new year?
I want to propose five areas of assessment:
1. Tell Them Their Value
Heading into a new grade full of the unknown, do your children know what you care about most in their lives? You understandably have desires and expectations of them to take their schoolwork seriously and to cultivate a strong work ethic that will enable them to succeed in both the classroom and in the extracurriculars, and you should communicate that clearly. Yet, how regularly do you remind them that their value is secure first and foremost in Christ and His love for them and not in how many A’s are on their next report card or how many goals they get in their soccer match?
This school year, it’s likely that our children are going to be tempted to find their inherent value rooted in something outside of Christ, and we should not be surprised by it. Tell them who they are in Christ, early and often, and empower them to live in that freedom as they pursue all the things they want to do this school year.
2. Teach about Friendship
The knowledge and practice of Biblical friendship is required for wise living according to the book of Proverbs, so how much do you teach on what good friendship looks like? Elementary aged kids are constantly making new friendships and learning how to build on old ones, and our middle and high schoolers are realizing both the beauty of good friendships and the pain of broken friendships in a formative time of life.
Proverbs 13:20 says, “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.”
Rather than dictate who your child can or can’t be friends with, teach them that intentionally being a friend is a choice and having a friend is a gift. Pastor and author Ray Ortlund writes,
“A faithful friend who loves at all times - that person is rare. A brother is obligated to be some kind of safety net. That is what family is for. But a friend chooses you. When someone loves you at all times, good and bad, and they don’t have to but they choose to - that person is a friend.” Proverbs: Wisdom that Works
Teach them that friendship requires forgiveness (Prov 17:9), includes honesty (Prov 27:6), and promotes holiness (Prov 27:17). This kind of commitment to friendship will strengthen their friendships with believers, serve as a witness to non-believers and ultimately put on display that keeping a promise to a friend doesn’t just strengthen the friendship but reflects a God who makes and keeps all his promises to us.
3. Encourage Influence
Everything we do influences others, especially when we are in close proximity with others for several hours a day. We often worry about the “bad influence” others may have on our kids, but how much do we encourage our kids to be a positive influence for others?
When our kids are firmly rooted in their value in Christ and are aware of what solid friendship looks like, they are empowered to spread the name of Christ to whoever they are in contact with in both word and deed (Eph 2:10). Encourage your kids to live the kind of lives that draw curiosity from fellow students, teachers and administrators alike, and to think creatively about ways they can live distinct lives that give a glimpse of the values of the coming King and his kingdom.
4. Include them in Mission
My wife and I have four kids aged 9 down to 4, so we are very much aware of the day to day and week to week blur of routines, activities, and nonstop action that a new school year can bring. We easily can become numb in the constant comings and goings, reviewing calendars, aligning schedules and car rides, and forgetting to sign up for the millionth thing that came in that one email last Tuesday.
Life is busy, but we yearn to keep a missional mindset as a family that strengthens and provides purpose to the daily blur of activity. We don’t allow the most important things to get devalued in the name of a busy schedule such as our commitment to gather with the church on Sundays and grow with our faith community group in class and group settings. We have missional goals as a family that seek to engage our neighbors and classmates, and we look for opportunities to serve together where we can. No family can do everything, but every family can do something. We are not just family by bloodline and DNA, but by a shared mission.
5. Trust them to the Lord
Last, but most importantly, prayer is one of the most important ways you can care for your children this school year. Pray for them daily, and pray with them in a way that disciples them towards the calling God has placed on their lives in this season. In this way, you practice and model how you ultimately are trusting them to the Lord, and that every aspect of our lives can be dedicated to the Lord.
Teach them, through your prayers, that there is no such thing as a mundane day in the kingdom of God for the people of God, and everything they do can be done to the glory of God.
1 Cor 10:31 So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
If we pray daily for and with our children, then as they rest their heads on their pillow and you kiss them goodnight, and as you yourself lay down to finish another day, you can all firmly rest in the truth that God is sovereign and trustworthy. A peaceful night’s sleep is the fruit of a Spirit-infused dedication to discipling our children.
The school year is back, so no matter how that reality hits you this year, let’s embrace the opportunity to make it the best one yet.